7 Steps to Celebrating your Successes

Here’s some great tips on how to celebrate your success – from Peter McFadyen.  It’s coming up to that time where we want to look at what worked and what didn’t work for us in 2018 and celebrate what we achieved.  

A tip given to me constantly through leadership training over the years has been the importance of celebrating success. This allows you the opportunity to pause, to recognise what you have achieved and to feel good about it. It focusses you on what capabilities and opportunities have contributed to your success, whether or not you are still on target to reach your ultimate goal and provides motivation to keep heading down the path you are on. In a team environment it can build a combined passion and commitment for the work to come, while in an individual sense it can build resolve and purpose and allow you space to take stock of where you are in your journey.

Given we are on the edge of a new year, it’s a great time to have a look at our successes and celebrate them.

The steps to do this are fairly straight forward:

1) Take stock of where you are now.
2) Look honestly at where you began.
3) Capture what the key development stages were.
4) Note what capabilities and opportunities contributed to your success.
5) See what benefits you have received by doing the work you have done.
6) Check to see if you are still on the right path and how it looks into the future.
7) Commit this stage of your journey to some sort of stored form so that you can celebrate it again later and use it to help with future development.

Over the years as I have worked to grow and be aware of who I am I have often turned to poetry as a way of undertaking stage seven of that process. Poetry allows me to capture my thoughts succinctly and honestly. I find that this format allows me a space where, though I may be confronted by the truth I choose to face, it is written in such a way that I am able to take in on board and enjoy the journey it describes.

I had the good fortune, many years ago, to come across a poem by Portia Nelson entitled “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters.” This is undoubtedly one of the most powerful poems I have ever read and I encourage you to read it as it sums up the journey of self-awareness and development in very few words. I love its simplicity, its directness and, in my case, its applicability to my approach to life at the time I read it and since that time. The following poem is unashamedly based on Portia’s work and it allowed me the opportunity to reflect on the changes I had seen in myself and to celebrate that success. It is called “I look in the mirror.”

mirror and sky

I look in the Mirror

I look in the mirror

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
Am I happy with who’s looking back at me?
I decide yes, my look is okay,
I have no issues, not me, no way!
I take ego into the world today.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
Am I happy with who’s looking back at me?
I decide no, something’s not right,
My hair won’t sit straight and my clothes are too tight!
I take discomfort into the world today.

I look in the mirror and what to I see?
Am I happy with who’s looking back at me?
I’m really not sure for when looking at me,
Old wrongs and past hurts often cloud what I see.
I take pain into the world today.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
Am I happy with who’s looking back at me?
I think of the future and not my reflection,
My vision is clouded by my introspection.
I take uncertainty into the world today.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
Am I happy with who’s looking back at me?
I live more in the present, and find bit by bit,
The kind of reflection into which I can fit.
I take peace in to the world today.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
Am I happy with who’s looking back at me?
My reflection now shows the values I live,
I can now see a person I’m prepared to forgive.
I take kindness into the world today.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
Am I happy with who’s looking back at me?
I am!
I see me!
I take acceptance into the world today.

I no longer need the mirror!

Have you celebrated your success recently or are you working so hard at achieving that you have not taken the time? Now is a great time to acknowledge what you have already accomplished, to check in with where you are headed and to re-commit to your journey.

“Let your life be your message” Mahatma Gandhi

Why you should take yourself on a date

I see you over there. Glancing at me with that ‘I feel sorry for you’ look on your face. Stop it. Don’t feel sorry for me.

I see you staring. Wondering why I’m dining alone. I can almost see the pity on your face.

Even though I actually really love to dine alone, in the past from time to time, I’d still take a book because I cared that other people might think I was a Nigel no friends and didn’t have anyone to eat with.

These days – well, I don’t care. But people still stare at me.

The truth is, sometimes I prefer to eat alone. In fact, its part of my self care routine.  Every Friday (well almost every Friday) I take myself to lunch, by myself, at one of the many cafes near my office. I cherish this time to myself. Sometimes I’ll take a book and have a read, but mostly I just sit and people watch and enjoy my food and just….well….just be.

 

lunch alone self care
Lunch alone – a form of self care

Not always of course. I’m a people person. I love people. My people. New people.  I love me too, and I’ve learnt over the years to love my own company.

When I travel, I love nothing more than exploring a new city and finding somewhere to have my dinner – alone. Of course, not every night, but some nights. I find it re-energises me.

So stop staring at me like I have two heads. I can see you doing it even though you’re trying to pretend you’re not. Seriously, don’t feel sorry for me – I am in one of my happy places right here, right now, eating my food, sitting in the sun and enjoying my ‘me’ time.

 

When was the last time you took yourself on a date?

Annually I also take myself away on a silent meditation retreat for 6 days. There are other people there of course, and the thing that keeps me coming back is that no-one can speak to me – for 6 whole days! I can see as I write this that it might sound a little selfish, or crazy.

 

mediation self care
Self care and self inquiry through silence

Now I love a good chat, probably more than the next person, and I love connecting with people, and I also love this 6 days in silence, where I don’t speak to anyone and no-one speaks to me.

I’m starting to realise that I’m not an either/or person, but rather an ‘and’ person. I love eating with friends and also alone, I enjoy 6 days of silence and I enjoy connecting with people.

It’s all about balance.

 

When was the last time you took yourself away?

When was the last time you took some time to get to know yourself?

I highly recommend taking yourself on a date once in a while and even, if you’re up for it, taking yourself away from time to time.

And if you get the ‘I feel sorry for you eating/holidaying alone’ look, just smile back knowing that you’re doing what you want to do, spending quality time with yourself, getting to know yourself better and letting yourself just ‘be’ for a while.

“Let your life be your message” Mahatma Gandhi.

Drop the comparison and get back in your own lane

 

“The comparison of others leads to disappointment. The comparison of self leads to improvement” ― Avina Celeste

I walked 96km. He walked 25 metres.

It’s like comparing apples with oranges isn’t it?

I remember the day very clearly. It was the day I returned from Papua New Guinea after having successfully hiked the Kokoda Track for the first time – a gruelling 96km through the jungles of the Owen Stanley Ranges.  He picked me up from the airport. My friend Bill that is.

Bill is an amazing human being that I’d known for many years. Initially we met professionally, but very soon became friends. Good friends at that. He picked me up from my flight and I was heading to his place for the weekend to catch up and to celebrate my epic achievement.

As we drove out of the airport he looked at me and said “I walked 25 metres today”.

I was speechless.

“You, you what?” I managed to get out.

With a grin bigger than a Cheshire cat he looked at me again, “I walked for the first time in 3 years. It was the hardest 25m I have ever walked, but I did it”.

Rewind a few years and Bill found himself flying over the edge of a mountain – with his Harley Davidson still between his legs and heading for a tree and a very steep ravine.

His wife had been his pillion but she was already off the back of the bike, tumbling down the slope.

Clearly this wasn’t in the plan for that day’s riding.

It was horrible. Just horrible, and each day I’m grateful that they both survived. I won’t focus on the details here suffice to say, Bill and his wife spent many, many months in hospital and subsequent rehabilitation. Bill, the doctors were adamant, was a paraplegic and would never, and they meant never, walk again. It was not a possibility they would entertain.

Well Bill had other ideas. He always had other ideas. Bill wanted to walk again.

I sat in the car grinning back at him. “Did you film it?” I said, “because that is something I want to see!”.

Bill was excited to hear about my trek across the iconic Kokoda Track and while I was super pleased with myself for having achieved this feat, I was truly more inspired by his 25 metre walk.

It was all the more poignant because I knew that his ultimate dream was greater than that. His dream was to dance with his wife again at a special event we had coming up the next year.

While I went on to continue trekking and to walk the Kokoda Track again the next year, Bill continued to commit and work hard to get himself into a position where he could fulfil his dream. He worked harder than I could ever imagine.

And then the night came. It is etched on my memory forever and still, as I recall it, brings happy tears to my eyes.

He tentatively moved himself out of his wheelchair with the aid of a few friends, under the stars, with the band playing, and took his wife’s hand as they stood together and danced, for the first time in years.  In the loving arms of his wife, and surrounded by loving friends, Bill danced an entire song, as he’d promised himself and his wife, he would do.

It’s ok.  Take a moment.

Do you ever get caught up measuring your success against others? Watching the highlight reels of others lives on social media and thinking you’re lacking, not achieving enough, not as successful as them? You post to social media your latest achievement only to see in your news feed that your high school nemesis has just one-upped you and done it one handed?

Yeah, me too.

“Comparison is the death of joy” ― Mark Twain

What Bill taught me, and continues to teach me even though he doesn’t even know he does, is that our success is not measured by comparison to anyone else’s success or anyone else’s version of what success should look like.

 

comparison stay in your own lane
Stay in your own lane – determine what success looks like for you

I determine what success means to me. I determine what’s important to me and what my goals will be. There is no comparison necessary against norms or against any other person. I own my definitions of success and no-one can take these from me.

You own your definition of success too – only you know what that looks like for you.

Bill owns his definition of success as well.

 

“If you pay attention to your ranking and comparison to others, you are competing with others.  If you ignore them, you can aim for the stars” Khang Kijarro Nguyen

I walked 96km. Bill walked 25 metres and danced with his wife. We both achieved an amazing feat and we both did it through hard work, determination and commitment. We both had a goal. Our goals were different but they were our own goals – ones we worked hard to achieve. We each determined what success meant for ourselves.

Where are you comparing your successes and who or what are you comparing them to?

Drop us a line below if you’d like to share.

By the way, Bill is one of my heroes. So is his wife.

“Let your life be your message” Mahatma Gandhi.

What does a dream coming true look, feel and taste like?

When I was younger I was so in love with the idea of Spain.  I wanted to learn the language, travel to the country, immerse myself in the culture – even since my teenage years.  I wasn’t sure why, not then or as I got older, but I was strongly drawn to the country.  I must admit at the time I really didn’t know too much about Spain, only that I wanted to be a part of it.  In fact, when I was a very late teen, I was so desperately in love with Spain (or the idea of Spain) that I went ahead and got engaged to a Spaniard whose name was Antonio.  Such was my desire for Spain….

Needless to say, that didn’t work out (possibly becoming engaged to someone because you love the country they were born in could work out, but for me, well, no).  But what did work out, after many years, was my desire to travel to Spain.  After years of keeping that dream alive, I left on a jet plane to spend the best part of three months in the country I’d dreamt of since I can remember.

I travelled first to France to start walking the Camino de Santiago Frances Route from St Jean Pied de Port all the way across the country to Santiago de Compostella.  That’s a trek of about 800km.  After that I extended the hiking on to an extended route out to the ocean, the Camino Muxia and Camino Finisterre.

I spent my first 40 days and 40 nights in Spain as a pilgrim, with all of my possessions in my backpack.

 

hay field
Resting wherever I could…

Of the hundreds of thousands of pilgrims who arrive in Santiago each year on the various Caminos, only about 5% walk on to the coastline with most of these going from Santiago to Finisterre (a 90km extension).  Finisterre was known as the end of the world and for me, it was more important a destination, or completion point, than Santiago was.  However I also wanted to walk to Muxia, a town further north on the Atlantic coastline, and even less than 5%  walk here first, and then on toFinisterre, a 120km extension from Santiago.

Following the Camino my travels took me to Ourense, Salamanca, Madrid, a week long stint in Portugal, Seville and the Andalucían area, and to end the trip, some time in Barcelona.

So did my dream to travel in Spain, walk the Camino and experience the culture and language of this country come true?

Sure.  You can see it did by the previous paragraphs.

But what did it look like, what did it feel like and what did it taste like?  Was it all I dreamt it would be?

What did this dream coming true look like?

It looked like fear sometimes.  It looked like love sometimes.  It looked like Groundhog Day sometimes.

It looked like me with my backpack on, walking 30km a day in the searing heat. Swearing a lot, sometimes.  Other times, just walking and taking every step as it came.

It looked like beauty.  It looked like poverty and despair.

It looked simple, and significant at the same time.

It looked like my comfort zone, and then it didn’t, and then it did again.

Heaven and Hell.  Wonder.

It looked like I thought it might.

It didn’t look anything like I thought it might.

 

jumping
It looked like this sometimes

What did this dream coming true feel like?

It felt like love.

Sometimes it felt like fear.

It felt like loneliness and then it felt like connection and belonging.

It felt frustrating, and it felt freeing.  It felt right, and sometimes it felt wrong.

It felt painful.  A lot of the time.  Blisters, muscle soreness.

It felt joyous.

I felt grateful.  Emotional.  Emotional a lot of the time.

I felt shattered, and also full of energy.

I felt at home, when I wasn’t feeling homesick.

I felt strong, except when I was feeling weak.

Torn. I felt torn.

I felt done – physically, mentally and emotionally.  Then I’d have a beer and a chat to new friends, a meal and a sleep.  And I didn’t feel done anymore.

It felt so right.  Walking day in day out.  Only a few decisions to make each day – where will I sleep, what will I eat?

It felt easy.  It felt hard.

Sometimes I would feel like quitting.

Sometimes I would feel like I could walk forever.

I felt disgust – when watching a bull fight.

I felt overwhelmed. In awe.

I felt brave and full of fear. Sometimes at the same time.

I felt guided.

I felt that the universe was consipiring  to provide me with what I needed. Not necessarily what I wanted.

 

heart
It felt like discovery

What did this dream coming true taste like?

For me, it tasted like Tarte de Santiago.

 

tarte
The taste of dreams coming true

In keeping my dream alive to walk the camino, for many years I’ve been making Tarte de Santiago for my family and friends. A traditional cake based on almond meal originally fed to pilgrims walking. The first time on the Camino that I had a slice of Tarte de Santiago was …well a little surreal for me.  I was alone and in a small village as I took my first taste.  It was at that moment that I understood what a dream that comes true tastes like.

It also tasted like pilgrims meals day in and day out.  And then it tasted like tapas and octopus (not something I would try again) and tortilla and red wine.

It tasted like shared meals with friends. New friends from all over the world.

So what now?

So I am settling in to return to work and back to my life in Australia after fulfilling this lifelong dream which in the end, was exactly everything I expected and dreamt it could be, and at the same time, completely different to anything I expected and dreamt it would be.

It also provided me with more personal growth every day than I could have ever imagined.  I was graced with beautiful new friends, some who I know will be in my life for a long time to come and others who were in my life just for the moments they were meant to be.

 

horse
Ultreya – onwards with courage

My belief in the goodness of people was tested and at the same time, confirmed, over and over again.

My belief in myself was tested, and at the same time, reaffirmed time and time again.

Not everyone will understand my journey.  That’s ok because it isn’t their journey to understand.  It’s mine. And even if I don’t fully understand it, that’s ok too.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.  See what happens.

I know my journey gave me so much.  There is a saying on the camino that “the camino provides”.  I agree and I experienced this day after day.  I have a new saying for the camino to add to that one.  “The camino also takes away”, and that is just as important.

Don’t confuse your path, with your destination.  Enjoy your journey.  Thanks for the memories Spain!

“Let your life be your message” Mahatma Gandhi.